To Live

In fear of death,

with the intensity of a hurt child

not knowing anything but good and bad,

YOUR longing for acceptance intrudes ME

asking for fulfillment in shattering ferocity,

making ME responsible for YOUR life.

 

In fear of death,

with the intensity of a hurt child

not knowing anything but good and bad,

MY need to reject YOU in order for ME to live

might kill the very source of MY nurturing and protection

and bring MY seemingly certain death.

To live equals to die

and my brother could not solve the dilemma.

 

For YOU, I am sorry for needing to reject YOU

as what was feared by YOUR hurt child

is the bitter medicine needed on YOUR side.

For ME, I am sorry for needing to abandon YOU

as what was condemned by MY hurt child

is the bitter medicine that is needed on MY side.

 

What has always been missing

was the hand of an elder

holding us – no matter what –

in assurance of acceptance.

But with the chain broken

the lost can only be found within ourselves.

 

Watching two cliffs colliding into one,

inside the echo of fearless aloneness

lies the faith of unconditional love.

 

The very mind asking obscures the answer.

Only the heart that knows

to ask without a sound

will hear.

 

With no desire to reject YOU

but with the struggle of an insoluble dilemma

a child’s heart has to face

I need to abandon YOU.

Not to die.

But TO LIVE.

– cueljs