Image header: Myllena Azevedo, CC BY 2.0

In our quest to have others accept us for who we truly are, it’s ironic that we often become our own harshest critics. We unknowingly reject ourselves, ignore our own needs, and let ourselves down. It’s a pattern that we may not even realize we’re caught in. But if we take a moment to listen, we can hear the echoes of our parents’ voices that we have internalized.

The expectations and judgments imposed on us by our parents during our formative years can deeply influence how we perceive ourselves. We internalize their opinions, their ideas of what is acceptable or not, and unwittingly adopt those beliefs as our own. We carry their voices within us, and they become the source of our self-doubt and self-criticism.

The desire for parental approval is natural and strong, but as we grow older, it’s crucial to challenge the internalized voices and question if they truly align with who we are and what we want for ourselves.

Image: Jon Åslund, CC-BY-2.0

[ Poetry in mirror:
“And what if one were to compile all the
names that one has ever been called?
Would they not present a quandary for
identity? Would some of them cancel the
effect of others? Would one find oneself
fundamentally dependent upon a
competing array of names to derive a
sense of oneself? Would one find
oneself alienated in language, finding
oneself, as it were, (in the names)
adressed fro(m elswehere?)”
Excitable speech – Judith Butler]

Finding ourselves means peeling back the layers of external expectations and discovering our own authentic desires and values. It involves acknowledging the impact of those internalized parental voices and consciously deciding which ones to keep and which ones to let go. It’s about cultivating self-compassion, accepting ourselves as imperfect beings, and nurturing our own growth.

The process of finding ourselves is not always easy. It requires self-reflection, self-awareness, and the willingness to confront our deepest fears and insecurities. It means giving ourselves permission to explore our passions, embrace our uniqueness, and make choices that align with our true selves.

It's a journey of self-acceptance, self-love, and personal growth that leads us to a greater sense of fulfillment and inner peace.

As we embark on this journey of self-discovery, it’s important to remember that it’s not about seeking external validation or conforming to societal norms. It’s about accepting and loving ourselves for who we are, with all our strengths and imperfections. It’s about finding the courage to define our own path and live authentically, regardless of others’ expectations.

In the end, finding ourselves is a lifelong process, filled with ups and downs. It’s about reclaiming our own voice, trusting our instincts, and living in alignment with our deepest values. It’s a journey of self-acceptance, self-love, and personal growth that leads us to a greater sense of fulfillment and inner peace.

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external identity internal self-acceptance