Lost instincts: How disconnection impacts our parenting

Images: cueljs

To truly raise children with care and wisdom, we need to reconnect with ourselves and rediscover that innate sense of nurturing.

Isn’t it strange that we have manuals for everything, but for one of the greatest tasks in life, we have no structured guide to help new parents through the process or prepare them for what is coming? For a mundane driver’s license, we get more thorough preparation than for having a baby.

The challenge is that many of us are disconnected from ourselves and our deeper knowing, causing the natural, intuitive understanding of child-rearing to be lost. While society expects this knowledge to be instinctively passed down from generation to generation, what often gets inherited instead are toxic and abusive patterns. To truly raise children with care and wisdom, we need to reconnect with ourselves and rediscover that innate sense of nurturing.

Few people emphasize just how crucial our closeness is to children during their first two years. The absence of a secure bond with a parent or caregiver can be deeply traumatizing, with lasting effects on the child’s development. If we understood that the degree of physical closeness in these early days shapes the foundation of our future relationship with them, would we still leave them alone in their nursery, just days after they’ve been thrust into this unfamiliar world?

The absence of a secure bond with a parent or caregiver can be deeply traumatizing, with lasting effects on the child’s development.

It’s really not rocket science – it’s common sense. Even as adults, many of us prefer not to sleep alone. Now imagine you’re a tiny spiritual being, just born into this world in a human body, only to be left alone to sleep in a crib, in a dark room, all by yourself. And when you cry, sometimes no one comes, and you’re left to cry it out. The lack of connection sends a message, and it’s one that can shape how you feel about the world from then on.

Would we still push them in strollers if we understood how important it is for them to be carried close, to have physical intimacy to feel safe and connected? Being close to us not only provides comfort, but also allows them to witness our daily lives, soaking in the environment, routines, and unspoken rules that shape their understanding of the world.

Let's remember that every child is a precious gift from the universe - not just to us as individuals, but to us as part of the universe itself.

Let’s remember that every child is a precious gift from the universe – not just to us as individuals, but to us as part of the universe itself. We’re the entrusted stewards of these little souls, with the important responsibility of guiding them and introducing them to the world. It’s up to us to treat them with the care, love and respect that will help them grow into the confident, trusting beings they are meant to be. As a collective, we need to support and inform each other to ensure that we’re emotionally supported, mature, and prepared for this task.

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