We don’t like to admit it. But it is.

A child gives obedience, affection, performance. They trade authenticity for safety and connection. That’s a transaction.

A parent receives something too – identity, purpose, status, belonging, even emotional validation. That’s another transaction.

The parent’s message to the child is:
“Be who I need you to be so I can feel like a good parent.”

It’s subtle, but it’s a contract.

The parent may expect:
“Gratitude for all I’ve done.”
“Make me proud.”

These expectations carry an emotional invoice.

Then sacrifice can be a form of leverage and control. “After all I’ve done for you…” becomes a guilt trip.

Even “unconditional love” has a fine print. Children are expected to take on the emotional burdens of a parent, to care for the aging parent, fulfill dreams left unfulfilled. In return, they get inheritance, support, or conditional belonging. That’s a generational contract.

Does that mean it’s all bad?
No.

A healthier parent-child relationship isn’t one where there are no transactions – it’s one where those transactions are conscious, not exploitative.

The danger isn’t in the transaction.
It’s in pretending it doesn’t exist.